Stepping Back

My children are precious. They will only be young once. And while very cute, they are far from innocent. In fact, despite the very calm looking photos posted here, my children are quite naughty. And seeing as they live with a mom who's got her own share of issues and defects, we're a match made in heaven. I constantly find myself praying, "Lord, help me honor you with how I treat them." "Lord, help Craig and I to raise them to love you with all their hearts." And yet I fail. I fail miserably almost every day.

It occurred to me that perhaps I am too fond of my agenda and less interested in God's. He brings interruption after interruption into my world. And how do I respond? With annoyance. Attitude. Frustration. Tears.

Will I ever learn to step back and see the bigger story unfolding before me? Will I ever see the hurting people around me who need answers to basic questions about faith and life and love? Will I train my children up to be sensitive to the world around them in a way where they can be, as Saint Francis of Assisi says, "instruments of peace"?

We recently returned from a trip to the deep south for my Mamaw's funeral. It was quite sad as so many people will miss her, including me. It was quite joyous since she's with her Maker and pain free. I can only imagine what joy she experiences right now. My dad was blessed to give her eulogy. He did an amazing job. He told funny stories. He told odd stories. He spoke about her love for her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. He spoke of her committment to keeping up with her family so they felt loved. I know I did. I know I could always count on a card from Mamaw with a dollar bill for my birthday. I know she prayed for me. I know she desired to give herself to others unselfishly.

I want to be like that. I want to extend myself to others...to give unreservedly of my time and talents. To love until it hurts. To offer grace through tears of heartache. And only Jesus can help me do that.

Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings. (I Corinthians)